Deep Thoughts from a Shallow Person

3/22/11 Sitting by myself, I'm far from alone. A room full of strangers working through their lives. Some find solace in the glass in front of them. Others find it in the understanding nod of a sympathetic comrade. Rejection is the theme tonight. Some find it more immediate, if less painful. Others are shaken to their foundations. They wonder why the people they would build around, don't facilitate the stability they deserve. All around, the busy bees sell their wares, be that meat, or mead, or suggestion. Their very presence draws us in like moths to a flame that doesn't realize it's burning. The looks grow less guarded the longer we imbibe. Portents of things to come, we envision carnal encounters while avoiding the revelations of flashing lights. Focus lost is often focus gained, just in a new direction. Maybe those who never finish just discovered something better. What is better? Better than before? Can that really be considered better? What if I just came in from the cold; in from my own hell frozen over? No, better is too subjective. I strive for something absolute. The longer I live and discover, I find the path on which I was set by those who should know better really is that which I seek, and maybe they really did know better. The boys in the corner who would be men now sulk in begrudging resignation. They've spent all their arrows before the prey presented a target. Why do we always say, "Better luck next time?" Odds are when next time rolls around, we'll remember the failure and consider ourselves wise for sidestepping the same rejection. If i had it all to do over again, I'd not change many things, but i think I'd change the manner in which I approached them. That's why i think Hinduism is the religion most guilty of wishful thinking. It's one thing to believe in Heaven and Hell, but the chance to fix your mistakes, to apply your experience to past failures is the greatest human lament of which I can think. Things are never black and white. That's what they'd like us to think. I don't buy it. I think a lot of times they are, but we don't like which side we're on. So we try to blur the lines to escape culpability. Pax Romana Women are strange creatures. men desire them intensely. Once they have them, they often wish they did not. Women complain about their men, and then lament that a good man is hard to find. We're not that hard to please. The slightest bit of praise from a desirable woman will sustain the male ego for longer than most physical accomplishments. I think I'm regaining my resolve not to settle. I've almost done it a few times, but I'm thinking that 's not the way to go. I'm still figuring out the way to go. One thing I do know. This is an awful good place to go.